It was in the mid of July 1991, i was left at my brothers house in Subang Jaya as Azlan needs to go to Sabah for outstation' assignment, I was in my 29th week of pregnancy (7 months) to my eldest daughter (Syakiera). I couldn't sleep that night as my stomach was in pain, i was tossing from left to right, but instead my stomach felt worst until its time for me to go to work in the morning. I worked in Chunghwa Picture Tubes (M) Sdn Bhd at Batu 3 at that time. I was walking in pain for about 100meters to catch the company's bus by half seven in the morning at the shops nearby.
I arrived safely at work and again I got to walk across the huge company ground as if I am crossing the 'Tienanmen Square' in China. Chunghwa is a Taiwan originated organization and as I spoke fluent Mandarin, I was easily employed as a Publication Officer incharged of Graphic and Design for the company. Some chinese friends says that I speak Mandarin like a Taiwanese :) They couldn't believe that I am a Muslim. I was once sent to Taiwan for a month working training, the experience there was fun, amazing and hilarious too. I will put a special' blog on Taiwan's working experience to share with you if time allow.
Back to the initial story, I continuously felt the pain and told my colleague about it which got me to the internal clinic, a check-up confirmed that i had mild contractions which needed me to go to the hospital. I was worried and told my friend to send me to a Maternity Clinic in section 6 Shah Alam. Just like the earlier check-up, I was told that i need to deliver the baby immediately by Cesarean. The Dr told me that the contraction was very mild which resulted my baby couldn't be delivered normally. By tomorrow, the Dr needs to do the operation. It was obviously scary and I was lucky and "Syukur" that I did a clever justification by instructing them to send me to the general Hospital in Klang instead.
In Klang general hospital, I was sent to the delivery ward and checked, it was confirmed that my baby 29 weeks is impatiently coming out. The Dr advised me to be dripped so that it will stop the contractions as it is dangerous for the baby to be born prematurely. I agreed and started to pray quietly. No one knows accept Azlan & my eldest sister - he just arrived in Sabah yesterday. I didn't know what to do, to ask him to come back or just let it be..if he came back, it will surely interrupt his work and besides we need the extra allowance to prepare for our 1st baby's arrival. I, at the same time just got the job with Chunghwa for 2 days and now facing this situation! Azlan just started a job as a promotion & advertising assistant to promote Nutritional product for a few months...
At last, i was there in the delivery ward for 3 days and 3 nites alone, no one was allowed to visit, and i was there witnessing the difficulties of all the mums' to be. I heard all sort of screaming in agony as i was only separated by a curtain. The room' temperature was so cold as the air conditioner's controller broke down. I was given 4 or 5 layers of blankets to warmed up for the whole period! the 4th day I was sent to the normal ward and allowed to go home after a week with a 40 days Medical Leaves. My condition was fragile that it needs me to rest fully, I wasn't even allowed to lift up a bottle of soy source!!
I got back to work after the medical leaves and 'Syukur' my baby was alright and healthy until I safely delivered in the month of October 1991. She was born in a 3rd class ward easily weighing at 3.2kg at 2am. The fees was only Rm24, it was really cheap but I was happy and syukur ... this coming 7th is her 19th birthday, she's well grown up and I am blessed when looking at her, it still seems as yesterday that she is still sucking her thumb and sleeps all the time :)) I m glad that my babies; Syasya (her nick name), Sara and Yusuff are all good babies and easily laugh out loud...no crying in the mid of the nights, sleeps in the stroller while I shop, enjoy food and healthy.
About Me
Friday, 27 August 2010
Saturday, 24 July 2010
Allah is so GREAT, its MIRACLE!
You don't know what will happen to you, its miracle.
Remembering when I was 8 or 9 years old.. i was sitting and watching television with my 2nd sister at home on a program so called 'Interviewing an Academician, she was Dr Fatimah Daud, (now she is a Professor with International Islamic University, UIA Gombak, KL) at that time she holds a 'Dr'. She had just completed her Ph D with the University of Malaya. I was told by my sister to watch it as Dr Fatimah is my late mom's 1st cousin's daughter (if not mistaken). Sorry, I just couldn't figure it out the exact relationship is it 1st or 2nd cousin's daughter. Anyway, my sister told me: "Lets watch this, she had just completed her Ph D and she is successful and famous now". I at that time, either 8 or 9 years old did not understand what is Ph D. But I did understand 'successful and famous'. After watched her being interviewed, I asked my sister: "How to be successful like her sis? I want to be like her". My sister smiled and answered me: "Oh..Its difficult to be like her". I then replied: "Why"? She then answered me: "Difficult because you need to study hard, 1st you need to study until you finish schooling, and then you need to go to University like me (my sister was studying at USM, Penang at that time) and then, after that, you need to have another degree, and then you need to have another degree. Then, lastly if you passed, you can get the Ph D".
I culculated all the steps my sister had told me, and replied positively: "Yes, I want. I want to be like her..I want to get a 'Dr'. My sister warned me again: "Its difficult, in order to get that a 'Dr' you must study very hard..not many people can do that". And....I said: "Yes, I will. I want to be like her, no matter how hard it is".
This conversation strikes me since i was here last year. I suddenly remember it very well and I feel funny, cute, unexpected and miracle now. I smile to myself..Allah is so GREAT!
Although I am just in the middle of pursuing this degree..but I have to be positive and leave everything to Allah..with my prayers and doa..Not only that I work hard towards it. I m telling you, sis and bro, I dont know...I will eventually get it or not, but everytime when I meet Dr Steven, he convinces me that I will make it. But it is still a 50/50 uncertainty in me untill I really make it in the month of Dec 2011.
Conclusion, what to share here with you are the dreams, the journey, the luck, the hardwork, the persistence, the doa and the prayers are becoming a whole lot of body in order to form this beautiful goal. Perhaps, it is applicable to any goals, InshaAllah. I don't know if I will achieve it or not, but for sure, I am doing it. I am still in the state of disbelieve that I am now approaching semester 4 this coming September. As time goes by, I will face anything that surfaced in between, after or in the end. Just being myself, I am doing it honestly and willingly to Allah. One thing I realised, if you are honest, kind, redha and syukur, Allah will be with you no matter what you are pursuing. HE could opens up everything and HE could closes anything right in front of your eyes :)
To be continued.
Remembering when I was 8 or 9 years old.. i was sitting and watching television with my 2nd sister at home on a program so called 'Interviewing an Academician, she was Dr Fatimah Daud, (now she is a Professor with International Islamic University, UIA Gombak, KL) at that time she holds a 'Dr'. She had just completed her Ph D with the University of Malaya. I was told by my sister to watch it as Dr Fatimah is my late mom's 1st cousin's daughter (if not mistaken). Sorry, I just couldn't figure it out the exact relationship is it 1st or 2nd cousin's daughter. Anyway, my sister told me: "Lets watch this, she had just completed her Ph D and she is successful and famous now". I at that time, either 8 or 9 years old did not understand what is Ph D. But I did understand 'successful and famous'. After watched her being interviewed, I asked my sister: "How to be successful like her sis? I want to be like her". My sister smiled and answered me: "Oh..Its difficult to be like her". I then replied: "Why"? She then answered me: "Difficult because you need to study hard, 1st you need to study until you finish schooling, and then you need to go to University like me (my sister was studying at USM, Penang at that time) and then, after that, you need to have another degree, and then you need to have another degree. Then, lastly if you passed, you can get the Ph D".
I culculated all the steps my sister had told me, and replied positively: "Yes, I want. I want to be like her..I want to get a 'Dr'. My sister warned me again: "Its difficult, in order to get that a 'Dr' you must study very hard..not many people can do that". And....I said: "Yes, I will. I want to be like her, no matter how hard it is".
This conversation strikes me since i was here last year. I suddenly remember it very well and I feel funny, cute, unexpected and miracle now. I smile to myself..Allah is so GREAT!
Although I am just in the middle of pursuing this degree..but I have to be positive and leave everything to Allah..with my prayers and doa..Not only that I work hard towards it. I m telling you, sis and bro, I dont know...I will eventually get it or not, but everytime when I meet Dr Steven, he convinces me that I will make it. But it is still a 50/50 uncertainty in me untill I really make it in the month of Dec 2011.
Conclusion, what to share here with you are the dreams, the journey, the luck, the hardwork, the persistence, the doa and the prayers are becoming a whole lot of body in order to form this beautiful goal. Perhaps, it is applicable to any goals, InshaAllah. I don't know if I will achieve it or not, but for sure, I am doing it. I am still in the state of disbelieve that I am now approaching semester 4 this coming September. As time goes by, I will face anything that surfaced in between, after or in the end. Just being myself, I am doing it honestly and willingly to Allah. One thing I realised, if you are honest, kind, redha and syukur, Allah will be with you no matter what you are pursuing. HE could opens up everything and HE could closes anything right in front of your eyes :)
To be continued.
Monday, 21 June 2010
Hijrah atau Kalah!
Rata-rata merujuk pada peninjauan bersahaja antara aku dan teman-teman yang sedang, atau telah menamatkan pengajian ini, menceritakan berbagai pengalaman yang mereka lalui. Tentulah berbagai pengalaman2 yang suka dan duka, cemas, pahit, susah, letih, tiada kesanggupan utk meneruskan, semuanya sangat mengajar erti kehidupan, bergadoh sesama suami -isteri itu adalah biasa, dimana pasangan kadang2 tidak memahami kepayahan pasangannya dalam kepayahan meneruskan kajian, survey, temu bual, dll. Kesangsian menjadi perkara biasa, keraguan dan ketidak yakinan dirasai oleh diri sendiri. Aku pun sama mulai tertanya-tanya dan rasa takut, bingung, apakah betul apa yang aku lakukan, apakah bab ini boleh aku sudahkan? bagaimana agaknya aku perlu mulakan dan dapatkan kandungan yang tepat? :) sudah beberapa kali Dr Steven menasihati ku supaya berehat dan enjoy di dalam meneruskan research ni. .. katanya aku terlalu bekerja kuat :) Aku mengiyakan suruhannya dan senyum..(dalam hati rasanya susah untuk aku penuhi apa yang disuruh).
Cuba bayangkan bagaimana nak enjoy sedangkan hati aku seperti terikat, dengan perjanjian dan segala pinjaman kewangan yang telah diberikan oleh Mara dan UniKL? Senang cerita seperti kita berhutang, hati kita takkan senang mengingati hutang yang kita tanggungi itu. Begitulah rasanya. Bagaimana pula jika aku kesemputan waktu? atau gagal nanti? Inilah dia bebanan yang aku rasa ada di dalam jiwa setiap orang yg berada ditempat ini. Apakah ini yang dikatakan erti kehidupan sebenar? Allah menyuruh kita mencari ilmu dan berhijrah ke jalanNYA. Oleh itu akan dikurniakan olehNYA ganjaran yang luar biasa. Dari itu, selain dari berusaha dengan sekuat hati, iaitu berdiskusi, google, tabah dan sabar, aku juga berdoa dan cuba membaca dan menghayati sebanyak mungkin ayat2 NYA. Mudah2an aku boleh meluangkan sedikit waktu untuk disampaikan di sini.
"Orang-orang yang ilmunya mendalam di antara mereka, dan orang-orang yang beriman, mereka beriman kepada (Al-Quran) yang diturunkan kepadamu (Muhammad), dan kepada (kitab-kitab) yang diturunkan sebelummu, begitu pula mereka yang melaksanakan salat dan menunaikan zakat dan beriman kepada Allah dan hari kemudian. Kepada mereka akan Kami berikan pahala yang besar". Surah An-Nisa', ayat 162.
Maka Tuhan mereka memperkenankan permohonannya (dengan berfirman), "Sesungguhnya Aku tidak menyia-nyiakan amal orang yang beramal di antara kamu, baik laki-laki maupun perempuan, (karena) sebahagian kamu adalah (keturunan) dari sebagian yang lain. maka orang yang berhijrah, yang diusir dari kampung halamannya, yang disakiti pada jalan -Ku, yang berperang dan yang terbunuh, pasti akan Aku hapus kesalahan mereka dan pasti aku masukkan mereka ke dalam syurga-syurga yang mengalir di bawahnya sungai-sungai, sebagai pahala dari Allah." Surah Ali-Imran, ayat 195
Petikan pena Abu Irdak, Majalah Solusi, Hijrahkan dirimu, isu 15, 2009 menarik sekali untuk aku kongsikan dengan kawan2, Mengapa kita perlu berhijrah? Bertanya mengapa kita perlu berhijrah diertikan seperti bertanya mengapa kita perlu berubah. Berubah adalah hukum alam, atau Sunnatullah atau Law of Nature, dimana menetapkan semua makhluk berubah melainkan Allah s.w.t.
Ada dua bentuk perubahan, ke arah yang lebih baik atau ke arah yang lebih buruk. Cerdik pandai mengungkapkan, "Orang yang berjaya ialah orang yang hari ini lebih baik daripada semalam. Orang yang terpedaya, orang yang hari ini sama seperti semalam. Dan orang yang celaka, ialah orang yang hari ini lebih teruk daripada semalam" Aku? Aku berserah pada mu Ya Allah..hanya pada Mu aku berserah dan berdoa..
Orang-orang yang berjaya ialah yang berubah dengan pilihan yakni dengan memilih dan mengawal arah perubahan itu. Mereka tidak berubah kerna terpaksa (by chance). "Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Bersabarlah kamu dan kuatkanlah kesabaranmu dan tetaplah bersiap-siaga (di perbatasan negerimu) dan bertakwalah kepada Allah agar kamu beruntung"
Sekian, bersambung nanti.
Cuba bayangkan bagaimana nak enjoy sedangkan hati aku seperti terikat, dengan perjanjian dan segala pinjaman kewangan yang telah diberikan oleh Mara dan UniKL? Senang cerita seperti kita berhutang, hati kita takkan senang mengingati hutang yang kita tanggungi itu. Begitulah rasanya. Bagaimana pula jika aku kesemputan waktu? atau gagal nanti? Inilah dia bebanan yang aku rasa ada di dalam jiwa setiap orang yg berada ditempat ini. Apakah ini yang dikatakan erti kehidupan sebenar? Allah menyuruh kita mencari ilmu dan berhijrah ke jalanNYA. Oleh itu akan dikurniakan olehNYA ganjaran yang luar biasa. Dari itu, selain dari berusaha dengan sekuat hati, iaitu berdiskusi, google, tabah dan sabar, aku juga berdoa dan cuba membaca dan menghayati sebanyak mungkin ayat2 NYA. Mudah2an aku boleh meluangkan sedikit waktu untuk disampaikan di sini.
"Orang-orang yang ilmunya mendalam di antara mereka, dan orang-orang yang beriman, mereka beriman kepada (Al-Quran) yang diturunkan kepadamu (Muhammad), dan kepada (kitab-kitab) yang diturunkan sebelummu, begitu pula mereka yang melaksanakan salat dan menunaikan zakat dan beriman kepada Allah dan hari kemudian. Kepada mereka akan Kami berikan pahala yang besar". Surah An-Nisa', ayat 162.
Maka Tuhan mereka memperkenankan permohonannya (dengan berfirman), "Sesungguhnya Aku tidak menyia-nyiakan amal orang yang beramal di antara kamu, baik laki-laki maupun perempuan, (karena) sebahagian kamu adalah (keturunan) dari sebagian yang lain. maka orang yang berhijrah, yang diusir dari kampung halamannya, yang disakiti pada jalan -Ku, yang berperang dan yang terbunuh, pasti akan Aku hapus kesalahan mereka dan pasti aku masukkan mereka ke dalam syurga-syurga yang mengalir di bawahnya sungai-sungai, sebagai pahala dari Allah." Surah Ali-Imran, ayat 195
Petikan pena Abu Irdak, Majalah Solusi, Hijrahkan dirimu, isu 15, 2009 menarik sekali untuk aku kongsikan dengan kawan2, Mengapa kita perlu berhijrah? Bertanya mengapa kita perlu berhijrah diertikan seperti bertanya mengapa kita perlu berubah. Berubah adalah hukum alam, atau Sunnatullah atau Law of Nature, dimana menetapkan semua makhluk berubah melainkan Allah s.w.t.
Ada dua bentuk perubahan, ke arah yang lebih baik atau ke arah yang lebih buruk. Cerdik pandai mengungkapkan, "Orang yang berjaya ialah orang yang hari ini lebih baik daripada semalam. Orang yang terpedaya, orang yang hari ini sama seperti semalam. Dan orang yang celaka, ialah orang yang hari ini lebih teruk daripada semalam" Aku? Aku berserah pada mu Ya Allah..hanya pada Mu aku berserah dan berdoa..
Orang-orang yang berjaya ialah yang berubah dengan pilihan yakni dengan memilih dan mengawal arah perubahan itu. Mereka tidak berubah kerna terpaksa (by chance). "Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Bersabarlah kamu dan kuatkanlah kesabaranmu dan tetaplah bersiap-siaga (di perbatasan negerimu) dan bertakwalah kepada Allah agar kamu beruntung"
Sekian, bersambung nanti.
Tuesday, 25 May 2010
Adik-adik...
Tiba-tiba mata celik melihat jam di dinding menunjukkan jam baru pukul 6pagi..tapi cahayanya di luar seolah-olah jam sudah pukul 8pagi di tempat kita, Malaysia. Berbeza kulit orangnya berbeza masa dan keadaan. Keseronokkan tidur berlapiskan selimut tebal tiada lagi apabila musim panas begini menjelma. Kadang-kadang rasa seperti di Malaysia pula cuaca semalam 33 darjah celcius. Orang putih suka keadaan seperti ini, mereka keluar rumah, berjemur di taman, seolah-olah berpesta..di kedai-kedai, mereka berjalan-jalan baik yang muda atau yang tua. Wajah yang tua sentiasa berhias, pakaiannya kemas dan lawa, matching color handbag and shoes...gagahi walau bertongkat berjalan bersama teman. Aku kagum melihat tingkah laku mereka, aku kagum semangat mereka. Kadang-kadang aku mengelamun hingga ke 'Sex and the city' empat sekawan yang sentiasa berjumpa minum bersama-sama dan bercerita..agaknya mereka ini seperti itu di zaman lalu..usik hati ku lagi, aku ingin melihat orang-orang berumur di Malaysia seperti mereka, keluar beristirehat atau berjalan2 dengan rakan sambil 'exercise' lutut dan kaki yang lemah. Apalah salahnya amalkan berjalan2 di taman setelah penat ke surau, ke pasar dan lain-lain. Mungkin masa tua ku nanti aku akan lakukan begitu. Tetapi sebagai 'academic', bilakah agaknya aku pencen? Mungkin aku akan masih berceramah sehingga mencecah 70an..kalau diizinkan Allah..Apakah masa itu aku masih diperlukan untuk mencurahkan ilmu kepada generasi baru? Pepatah melayu mengatakan, kekayaan dan harta boleh dicari, tetapi ilmu sukar diperolehi...pengorbanan dan pencarian ilmu ini bukan sekadar untuk diriku dan keluarga ku tetapi bangsa dan agama selagi aku hidup..InshaAllah..
Aku ingin berkongsi dengan kawan-kawan ku, yang aku anggap adik-adikku..Kadang-kadang aku berfikir panjang tentang 'insan yang dinamakan manusia'. Aku sedih dan tidak percaya adanya insan yang terlalu takut dengan bayang-bayang sendiri. Mereka ini seolah-olah senantiasa mencari kesalahan orang lain atau kekurangan orang lain. Bahkan dikorek, dihebohkan digosip mengenai perihal orang lain..Apakah tujuan sebenar orang sebegini? Mengapakah masa mereka dihabiskan dengan memikirkan oang lain? Alangkah baiknya jika masa itu di isikan dengan memikirkan diri mereka sendiri? Atau memikirkan bagaimanakah hendak memperbaiki kekurangan diri? keluarga? pelajar2? Apakah cukup ilmu yang ada pada ini? Perlukah aku menghiasi diriku untuk suamiku? Bagaimana pula pakaian ku, rambutku? Wajahku? Lantaran, aku rasa kita patut memikirkan semua ini pada diri kita sendiri dan cuba untuk memperbaiki diri kita..bukannya kita asyik menuding jari memikirkan nasib dan status orang lain..mencari jalan dengan cara menyindir dalam menegur..atau apabila penat beristirehat dengan mencari cerita/gosip mengumpat orang lain? Apakah itu suruhan agama kita? Memang aku mengaku manusia itu tidak sempurna, aku juga tidak sempurna. Tetapi sedarkah bahawa sedikit perasan dengki dan hasad kita boleh membawa kita kepada kesengsaraan yang tak kesudahan..hati bengkak, kepala pening, kerja tak jalan, anak-anak terbiar, kesudahannya semua benda tak boleh buat..masak pun jadi malas untuk suami..suami lalu marah dan jemu keluar makan kedai mamak...kat situ suami nampak orang lain, muda, cantik..ha!! Mulalah dia teringin..dan menggatal...dibandingkan dengan isterinya dirumah..asyik-asyik mengelamun, asyik2 bercerita pasal orang..rambut pun tak sikat, muka tak berbedak...Jadi, salah siapa? Tanya diri sendiri dengan adil dan jawab soalan ini dengan adil pada diri sendiri..
Aku pun bukan perfect dan aku mempunyai kekurangan juga, tapi aku sedih dengan sifat orang kita yang dengki, suka mengata dan malas ni. Maksud ku, sampai bila kita nak menjadi malas? Malas nak pakai bedak, malas nak bersolek, malas nak pakai baju lawa-lawa, malas nak masak, malas nak layan suami, malas nak kerja..malas nak mencari ilmu..malas boleh bawa kita ke tempat yang tak kesudahan! Malas itu syaitan! Aku tempis sifat malas ku..aku tempis malah segala-galanya..aku tahu aku juga ada sifat malas kadang-kadang..tapi aku tidak biarkan ia..I fight!! Aku mohon aku tidak akan dengki kepada orang lain..walaupun kalau nak ikutkan aku heran menilik diriku yang sentiasa berkerja kuat untuk menampung keluarga, bukan kawan ku yang satu tu..dia kaya dan senang, tak perlu berkerja sekeras aku. Itu kalau aku nak dengki.. tapi aku berfikir dengan waras dan berpesan pada diriku bahawa walaupun dia kaya dan ada orang gaji, tetapi dia masak untuk suami dan keluarga, dia uruskan perniagaannya dengan cara tersendiri, dan dia baik sangat peribadi dan hati budinya..itu Rahmat Allah kurniakan kepadanya..dan aku? Aku mempunyai kekuatan dari segi lain..aku seorang isteri yang menolong suami, anak-anak dan berkerja keras mencari ilmu untuk bangsa dan agama..Itu kekuatan ku.. Allah sudah suratkan aku sebegitu. Mungkin jika aku mempunyai suami yang kaya, aku tidak akan menuntut ilmu sehingga ke sini..jauh di sudut dunia dan keseorangan....bahkan mungkin jika aku sudah senang, cukup segala-gala, aku tidak akan pedulikan nasib kawan-kawan seperjuangan ku dan memberi sedikit sumbangan dalam menaikkan semangat perjuangan mencari ilmu dan memperbaiki diri..mungkin aku sibuk berholiday kesana- kesini dan tidak mempunyai kesedaran tentang kehidupan seperti apa yang aku ada ini?
Itulah..itulah kekuatan suratan Qadaq dan Qadar daripada Allah Subhanahuwata'ala atas sesuatu..fikri-fikirlah, tarik nafas, hembus, dan bermunajat mohon pertolongan dari Allah...
Aku sudahi dengan, yang baik itu datang darpada Allah..yang buruk itu dari hamba mu...
bersambung.....
Aku ingin berkongsi dengan kawan-kawan ku, yang aku anggap adik-adikku..Kadang-kadang aku berfikir panjang tentang 'insan yang dinamakan manusia'. Aku sedih dan tidak percaya adanya insan yang terlalu takut dengan bayang-bayang sendiri. Mereka ini seolah-olah senantiasa mencari kesalahan orang lain atau kekurangan orang lain. Bahkan dikorek, dihebohkan digosip mengenai perihal orang lain..Apakah tujuan sebenar orang sebegini? Mengapakah masa mereka dihabiskan dengan memikirkan oang lain? Alangkah baiknya jika masa itu di isikan dengan memikirkan diri mereka sendiri? Atau memikirkan bagaimanakah hendak memperbaiki kekurangan diri? keluarga? pelajar2? Apakah cukup ilmu yang ada pada ini? Perlukah aku menghiasi diriku untuk suamiku? Bagaimana pula pakaian ku, rambutku? Wajahku? Lantaran, aku rasa kita patut memikirkan semua ini pada diri kita sendiri dan cuba untuk memperbaiki diri kita..bukannya kita asyik menuding jari memikirkan nasib dan status orang lain..mencari jalan dengan cara menyindir dalam menegur..atau apabila penat beristirehat dengan mencari cerita/gosip mengumpat orang lain? Apakah itu suruhan agama kita? Memang aku mengaku manusia itu tidak sempurna, aku juga tidak sempurna. Tetapi sedarkah bahawa sedikit perasan dengki dan hasad kita boleh membawa kita kepada kesengsaraan yang tak kesudahan..hati bengkak, kepala pening, kerja tak jalan, anak-anak terbiar, kesudahannya semua benda tak boleh buat..masak pun jadi malas untuk suami..suami lalu marah dan jemu keluar makan kedai mamak...kat situ suami nampak orang lain, muda, cantik..ha!! Mulalah dia teringin..dan menggatal...dibandingkan dengan isterinya dirumah..asyik-asyik mengelamun, asyik2 bercerita pasal orang..rambut pun tak sikat, muka tak berbedak...Jadi, salah siapa? Tanya diri sendiri dengan adil dan jawab soalan ini dengan adil pada diri sendiri..
Aku pun bukan perfect dan aku mempunyai kekurangan juga, tapi aku sedih dengan sifat orang kita yang dengki, suka mengata dan malas ni. Maksud ku, sampai bila kita nak menjadi malas? Malas nak pakai bedak, malas nak bersolek, malas nak pakai baju lawa-lawa, malas nak masak, malas nak layan suami, malas nak kerja..malas nak mencari ilmu..malas boleh bawa kita ke tempat yang tak kesudahan! Malas itu syaitan! Aku tempis sifat malas ku..aku tempis malah segala-galanya..aku tahu aku juga ada sifat malas kadang-kadang..tapi aku tidak biarkan ia..I fight!! Aku mohon aku tidak akan dengki kepada orang lain..walaupun kalau nak ikutkan aku heran menilik diriku yang sentiasa berkerja kuat untuk menampung keluarga, bukan kawan ku yang satu tu..dia kaya dan senang, tak perlu berkerja sekeras aku. Itu kalau aku nak dengki.. tapi aku berfikir dengan waras dan berpesan pada diriku bahawa walaupun dia kaya dan ada orang gaji, tetapi dia masak untuk suami dan keluarga, dia uruskan perniagaannya dengan cara tersendiri, dan dia baik sangat peribadi dan hati budinya..itu Rahmat Allah kurniakan kepadanya..dan aku? Aku mempunyai kekuatan dari segi lain..aku seorang isteri yang menolong suami, anak-anak dan berkerja keras mencari ilmu untuk bangsa dan agama..Itu kekuatan ku.. Allah sudah suratkan aku sebegitu. Mungkin jika aku mempunyai suami yang kaya, aku tidak akan menuntut ilmu sehingga ke sini..jauh di sudut dunia dan keseorangan....bahkan mungkin jika aku sudah senang, cukup segala-gala, aku tidak akan pedulikan nasib kawan-kawan seperjuangan ku dan memberi sedikit sumbangan dalam menaikkan semangat perjuangan mencari ilmu dan memperbaiki diri..mungkin aku sibuk berholiday kesana- kesini dan tidak mempunyai kesedaran tentang kehidupan seperti apa yang aku ada ini?
Itulah..itulah kekuatan suratan Qadaq dan Qadar daripada Allah Subhanahuwata'ala atas sesuatu..fikri-fikirlah, tarik nafas, hembus, dan bermunajat mohon pertolongan dari Allah...
Aku sudahi dengan, yang baik itu datang darpada Allah..yang buruk itu dari hamba mu...
bersambung.....
Friday, 14 May 2010
Research title: first and foremost
Struggling, struggling & struggling! I am now drafting and schedulling my research thesis structure with Microsoft project professional. This is a good software for a project planning to be completed on time. With this schedule, it is my highest hope to see everything will goes smoothly as planned and I got to be optimistic.
For the past few months I 've been thinking hard on the research title as the title was in the broad understanding of new media. I've come to a stage where I couldn't fix the title to be narrowed as much as possible. (My topic is to examine the psychological effects of children's learning in new media convergence world) But, it was so lucky that due to the professionalism of my supervisors since day one, they instructed me to read, examine and argue literature review writings from the secondary sources available based on 'dialogue' and technology relating to children which I've followed. Normally, he reads my writing and gives his comments besides conducted Q & A on it. He did that to make sure I understand fully what I was mentioning in the writing. Most of the time, I was told to be careful and think deeply before I decided to read and write. I should say that it was a slow phase to phase of supervision as I was trying my very best to fit in and familiarising the research scope at the beginning. The supervisions were conducted mostly once a week in the first 6 months. As I was only given a certain period of time to complete by MARA, I try my best fulfiling the supervision sessions and usually bring something/work for the sessions. By weekly basis, I show some progress such as: research bibliographies selection print, mind maps, rough thesis' structure, 3-5 pages of books' or journals' reviews or 5-10 pages of my own writing literature review based on secondary sources which I found very useful and extremely related to my research' topic. I was aware that I have to play the major role in this studies and therefore I've determined my research' title roughly in the beginning. This, has resulted me struggling in searching and reading the materials continuously. The process undeniably tough in the first 6 months as I was in the situation of unable to recognise which is which; book to purchase? to read? and to write? It was huge! Thus, everyday slowly and steadyly I spent 1st 6 months on researching articles, journals and books on these topics; learning technology, new media, dialogue for learning, psychology of children's development, media, social culture, media convergence, TV etc. It was really a matter of forcing my energy to the highest, read, write, consult, discuss, again and again. These processes actually remain the same untill now. At least, I get myself ready from time to time in examining and analysing my research.
I do not know about others; researchers whose planning their topics and scheduling their working methods, I supposed it is varied. Here, I am recommending you to make in such a way that research title is the first and foremost to fixed and confirmed if possible. You should begin with the research title/scope and try not to change it. Undoubtedly it takes time and hardwork. I guess most of the researchers fixed their title properly and then followed by researching literature review, conducting their methodology relating to their research requirements, then the research problem/question, contribution to knowledge and lastly conclusion. Aproximately 60,000 words altogether. This is the right flow of a thesis writing and it is the best if you could.
But, what I am trying to share here is that there are possibilities that you could be trapped in the same situation as I was. You could be confused with the 'big topic' where you are facing difficulties in narrowing it down to the exact field or scope that you are interested in. As this blog is dedicated to share, I would like to remind that if this happen to you, you are going to face risk later on. The reasons behind are: you may wasting lots of time in re-finding secondary sources, re-reading, re-writing etc. Looking at my case, fortunately it turns out OK because I've set/fixed a topic where the scope of the examination is on 'dialogue and children'. That said, all my writing so far were on 'dialogue and children', which means I can still use the writing no matter how many times I switched the object of the research. It was not my intention at all but it did happen, from time to time I was trying to keep the topic narrowed. It was because 'dialogue and children' are the main focus in this research, so it is just a matter of matching it with different perspective or scope of the 'technology' that I am interested in. Syukur setakat ni I can say that this matter is solved.
Last month, I was busy sending the appeal letter on the scholarship matter with MARA, I wrote to a few key people in charged described and explained my situation as I believe I deserved to appeal. Last month also put me and my husband in the miserable stage where the council of Welwyn & Hatfield insisted in instructing my husband to pay for the council tax. It was actually a mistakes as we are foreigners with visas on student and student dependent which we do not have to. Alhamdulillah, now that the matter is solved after I called the officer in charged and told her about my status. For any Malaysian students (pls note that there is a phrase written on your visa that you are stated as 'no recourse to public funds, which means you are exempted from paying council tax as you are not entitled to have public fund' supports in UK)
Now, I've been looking and searching for a studio to live as I 've decided to move from my current rent apartment. My daughter Sara is finishing her GCSE soon, she wants to have a break. We probably need to locate ourselves in a place nearer to town as I can just take the bus easily to University more often. I thought I wanted to make a routines going to school 5 days a week since there is a room, computers and office equipment has been placed for the research students.
For my friends out there, please plan nicely if you have the intention to visit UK/me as now the weather is good and you can stay at my place.. SPRING time now!! If you come here after August, I can't promise you on the place to stay since I am going to rent a studio only. I've seen the studio 2 days ago for a viewing arrangement with the agent, there are a small room AKA bedroom, a small kitchen and a bathroom. Takpelah, kita tengoklah camne nanti..itu pun belum tentu I ambik yg itu..ada lagi yg lain2 belum tgok..
To be continued....
For the past few months I 've been thinking hard on the research title as the title was in the broad understanding of new media. I've come to a stage where I couldn't fix the title to be narrowed as much as possible. (My topic is to examine the psychological effects of children's learning in new media convergence world) But, it was so lucky that due to the professionalism of my supervisors since day one, they instructed me to read, examine and argue literature review writings from the secondary sources available based on 'dialogue' and technology relating to children which I've followed. Normally, he reads my writing and gives his comments besides conducted Q & A on it. He did that to make sure I understand fully what I was mentioning in the writing. Most of the time, I was told to be careful and think deeply before I decided to read and write. I should say that it was a slow phase to phase of supervision as I was trying my very best to fit in and familiarising the research scope at the beginning. The supervisions were conducted mostly once a week in the first 6 months. As I was only given a certain period of time to complete by MARA, I try my best fulfiling the supervision sessions and usually bring something/work for the sessions. By weekly basis, I show some progress such as: research bibliographies selection print, mind maps, rough thesis' structure, 3-5 pages of books' or journals' reviews or 5-10 pages of my own writing literature review based on secondary sources which I found very useful and extremely related to my research' topic. I was aware that I have to play the major role in this studies and therefore I've determined my research' title roughly in the beginning. This, has resulted me struggling in searching and reading the materials continuously. The process undeniably tough in the first 6 months as I was in the situation of unable to recognise which is which; book to purchase? to read? and to write? It was huge! Thus, everyday slowly and steadyly I spent 1st 6 months on researching articles, journals and books on these topics; learning technology, new media, dialogue for learning, psychology of children's development, media, social culture, media convergence, TV etc. It was really a matter of forcing my energy to the highest, read, write, consult, discuss, again and again. These processes actually remain the same untill now. At least, I get myself ready from time to time in examining and analysing my research.
I do not know about others; researchers whose planning their topics and scheduling their working methods, I supposed it is varied. Here, I am recommending you to make in such a way that research title is the first and foremost to fixed and confirmed if possible. You should begin with the research title/scope and try not to change it. Undoubtedly it takes time and hardwork. I guess most of the researchers fixed their title properly and then followed by researching literature review, conducting their methodology relating to their research requirements, then the research problem/question, contribution to knowledge and lastly conclusion. Aproximately 60,000 words altogether. This is the right flow of a thesis writing and it is the best if you could.
But, what I am trying to share here is that there are possibilities that you could be trapped in the same situation as I was. You could be confused with the 'big topic' where you are facing difficulties in narrowing it down to the exact field or scope that you are interested in. As this blog is dedicated to share, I would like to remind that if this happen to you, you are going to face risk later on. The reasons behind are: you may wasting lots of time in re-finding secondary sources, re-reading, re-writing etc. Looking at my case, fortunately it turns out OK because I've set/fixed a topic where the scope of the examination is on 'dialogue and children'. That said, all my writing so far were on 'dialogue and children', which means I can still use the writing no matter how many times I switched the object of the research. It was not my intention at all but it did happen, from time to time I was trying to keep the topic narrowed. It was because 'dialogue and children' are the main focus in this research, so it is just a matter of matching it with different perspective or scope of the 'technology' that I am interested in. Syukur setakat ni I can say that this matter is solved.
Last month, I was busy sending the appeal letter on the scholarship matter with MARA, I wrote to a few key people in charged described and explained my situation as I believe I deserved to appeal. Last month also put me and my husband in the miserable stage where the council of Welwyn & Hatfield insisted in instructing my husband to pay for the council tax. It was actually a mistakes as we are foreigners with visas on student and student dependent which we do not have to. Alhamdulillah, now that the matter is solved after I called the officer in charged and told her about my status. For any Malaysian students (pls note that there is a phrase written on your visa that you are stated as 'no recourse to public funds, which means you are exempted from paying council tax as you are not entitled to have public fund' supports in UK)
Now, I've been looking and searching for a studio to live as I 've decided to move from my current rent apartment. My daughter Sara is finishing her GCSE soon, she wants to have a break. We probably need to locate ourselves in a place nearer to town as I can just take the bus easily to University more often. I thought I wanted to make a routines going to school 5 days a week since there is a room, computers and office equipment has been placed for the research students.
For my friends out there, please plan nicely if you have the intention to visit UK/me as now the weather is good and you can stay at my place.. SPRING time now!! If you come here after August, I can't promise you on the place to stay since I am going to rent a studio only. I've seen the studio 2 days ago for a viewing arrangement with the agent, there are a small room AKA bedroom, a small kitchen and a bathroom. Takpelah, kita tengoklah camne nanti..itu pun belum tentu I ambik yg itu..ada lagi yg lain2 belum tgok..
To be continued....
Wednesday, 5 May 2010
Understanding Britain and British
People used to say that staying in UK is not enjoyable, but holidaying in UK is definitely is. I agree with that says after a few months we were here. Please be reminded that I am not referring to the advancement in educational support, the stability of the policy systems and the administration of the government but, I am referring to the atmosphere and the feeling of residing in Britain. Why do I said so?
First few months here, we started to feel uneasy with the currency exchange rate. E.g.: buying a burger in Mc D will cost £4/5 p/person; which is equivalent to RM15/20 for just a burger in Malaysia. In Malaysia Hall, you can have a plate of nasi & lauk for £5-6 a meal p/person. Travelling to and fro Welwyn garden city (25miles to London) to London Central train station, Kings Cross will cost £18 per/person. (with a day pass within central London to Zone 6 only) Entering to an old Palace cost £17 p/person adult. (There are lots of museums with free of charged) Madam Tousoude entrance fee for adult is £27 p/person, child is £25 p/person. A single trip by bus to the University cost £2.50 p/person (you could ask for a day trip if you want to be cheaper before you start the journey). A key-chain for souvenir cost £5 - 1, which depending on the size and design. That means, you can easily spent £100 a day = RM500 minimum if you are in London. Believe it or not that we haven't experienced the eye of London, Mdm Tousoude, Thames river cruise etc after 16 months here! kesiankan?..Anak2 I dah lama dok ajak, I buat tak tahu je...hehe...Certainly, you could spend as much as you can if you are well prepared with your budget allocation based on where you want to reside. A small town e.g. Manchester, Sheffield, Glassgow, etc are much more easy to manage and plan your monthly commitment and spending.
Ni bab seronok nak cerita, kena tulis dalam bahasa kita. You can't have a break by going out to Teh-tarik or sembang2 ngan jiran. Sekor pun tak keluar rumah sbb sejuk, semua balik kerja memerap, keluar ada tujuan. Dorang ni stylenya berbeza, dorang buat hall masing2. Just kata hi tu adalah. I plak, kete takde, my husband took it to work. My kids lah yg paling kesian, balik sekolah, mengadap komputer layan diri ngan games, FB, emails, of course buat kerja sekolah. Sekali sekala, weekend, I bagilah dorang nak keluar pergi town ngan kawan2. My husband, lagi kesian, dulu kat Malaysia, I balik kerja dia takde, dinner time adala, then kul 10mlm, teh tarik..3 kali jugak seminggu..balik kul 12/1pagi...ha kat sini, balik kerja terus dok rumah. Alangkah baiknya!
I plak, dulu, boring sikit jalan2 kat shopping kompleks ngan anak2, or kawan2, makan2. Now..boring ke tak boring ke...dok rumahlah jawabnya. Sebab, nak keluar sejuk, duit lagi, masa lagi, nak kena jalan kaki lagi nak tunggu bas....hahah orang kata pusing 180 degrees....Last2 aku duduk rumah, masak, buat kerja, FB, tgok TV bila boring, makan, minum. Amacam? best ke tak best? Sapa kata best, boleh lah buat PhD kat sini, sapa kata tak best, alamatnya jgan datang sini. Buat kat Malaysia...lagi best macam2 tmpat boleh pergi, murah, dll. Ini terpulanglah..this was based on my experience..Lagi pun tempat I duduk ni takde Malaysian, may be in Manchester, Sheffield, Glassgow suasananya lain di mana ramai Malaysian duduk berdekatan.
Berbalik pada cerita currency exchange tadi, we try our best to avoid from dine elsewhere. We usually eat at home before we go out to minimise our spending on food as much as possible. Most of the time, we do window shopping in Debenham, Bhs, New Look, Selfridges Departmental Store, Mark & Spencer (M & S), Primark, Zara, Miss Selfridge, Monsoon, Harrods etc. Oxford Streets is the best place to window shop, or shop. Knightsbridge Street, High Kensington etc with many famous fashion shops, Hyde Park in the centre of London, Bayswater for its Multi nations' food, there are a number of Halal restaurants as you can choose Indian, Pakistan, Arab, Malaysian, Siam, Chinese, Mc D etc. M & S is a huge store where you can search for everything from raw food to home furnishing. I usually spent a few hours observing the items from one to another department and take a break in their coffee shop. I will have this thing once in two months time as I need to relief my mind a little bit, after staying at home everyday if I am not going to school. Usually once in a week I have an appointment with Dr Steven or Mr Alan, my 2nd supervisor. Once in a month there are meeting with the research students, or sometimes; twice in a month there are research methodology seminars with the school research staff.
The meeting usually will be started with showing the progress worksheets on research writing, diagram, structure, or discussion on the literature review and research questions. I can say that the guidance and discussion are being done in a professional manner of understanding and respect between us. I prefer to ask any questions that I needed further clarification from them. I prefer to be truth and honest in the discussion and Alhamdulillah we've been kind of happy this way, with this style of student-supervisor relationship. Derives from the discussion, I usually deliver the best I can to what was being asked to prepare. Probably, you could initiate the next meeting if there's something going on that u can't make it on the day's set. Try not to drag the meeting for a month or two as you will be lost. Almaklumlah you are on your own, you surely have the potential of diverting your thesis to something else...I pun sama terseleweng jugak sekali sekala..masa tu Ramadhan, Raya..masak/tidur je kerja..penatlah puasa more than 12 jam..summer time tu siang panjang, mlm pendek. Hahah..
The weather is so unpredictable as there are multi type of weather in a day. Basically, most of the time it is cold. A predicted sunny day could turns to a gloomy and cold throughout. Last year, started in the month of October, the temperature was down to 10-8 degrees at night and 10-13 day time. It seems to me that the fall seasons doesn't starts in September, but it was the whole year through. Undeniably that there were occasionally sunny sunshine's at 17-20 degrees but it was not last long in a day. I have experienced standing waiting for a bus in snows for 45 minutes, my both feet and hands were cramped and frozen! Tu dah pakai berapa lapis jackets, gloves, socks and boots!
Lupa nak pesan, if you plan to travel around London by a car, it is troublesome as you need to look for parking spaces and just for your info, we've been summoned for parking 6 times altogether last year £60 x 6 = £360 wasted unnecessarily. It was quite confusing sometimes as there were places where you can't park although you were certain that it was safe.
To be continued....
First few months here, we started to feel uneasy with the currency exchange rate. E.g.: buying a burger in Mc D will cost £4/5 p/person; which is equivalent to RM15/20 for just a burger in Malaysia. In Malaysia Hall, you can have a plate of nasi & lauk for £5-6 a meal p/person. Travelling to and fro Welwyn garden city (25miles to London) to London Central train station, Kings Cross will cost £18 per/person. (with a day pass within central London to Zone 6 only) Entering to an old Palace cost £17 p/person adult. (There are lots of museums with free of charged) Madam Tousoude entrance fee for adult is £27 p/person, child is £25 p/person. A single trip by bus to the University cost £2.50 p/person (you could ask for a day trip if you want to be cheaper before you start the journey). A key-chain for souvenir cost £5 - 1, which depending on the size and design. That means, you can easily spent £100 a day = RM500 minimum if you are in London. Believe it or not that we haven't experienced the eye of London, Mdm Tousoude, Thames river cruise etc after 16 months here! kesiankan?..Anak2 I dah lama dok ajak, I buat tak tahu je...hehe...Certainly, you could spend as much as you can if you are well prepared with your budget allocation based on where you want to reside. A small town e.g. Manchester, Sheffield, Glassgow, etc are much more easy to manage and plan your monthly commitment and spending.
Ni bab seronok nak cerita, kena tulis dalam bahasa kita. You can't have a break by going out to Teh-tarik or sembang2 ngan jiran. Sekor pun tak keluar rumah sbb sejuk, semua balik kerja memerap, keluar ada tujuan. Dorang ni stylenya berbeza, dorang buat hall masing2. Just kata hi tu adalah. I plak, kete takde, my husband took it to work. My kids lah yg paling kesian, balik sekolah, mengadap komputer layan diri ngan games, FB, emails, of course buat kerja sekolah. Sekali sekala, weekend, I bagilah dorang nak keluar pergi town ngan kawan2. My husband, lagi kesian, dulu kat Malaysia, I balik kerja dia takde, dinner time adala, then kul 10mlm, teh tarik..3 kali jugak seminggu..balik kul 12/1pagi...ha kat sini, balik kerja terus dok rumah. Alangkah baiknya!
I plak, dulu, boring sikit jalan2 kat shopping kompleks ngan anak2, or kawan2, makan2. Now..boring ke tak boring ke...dok rumahlah jawabnya. Sebab, nak keluar sejuk, duit lagi, masa lagi, nak kena jalan kaki lagi nak tunggu bas....hahah orang kata pusing 180 degrees....Last2 aku duduk rumah, masak, buat kerja, FB, tgok TV bila boring, makan, minum. Amacam? best ke tak best? Sapa kata best, boleh lah buat PhD kat sini, sapa kata tak best, alamatnya jgan datang sini. Buat kat Malaysia...lagi best macam2 tmpat boleh pergi, murah, dll. Ini terpulanglah..this was based on my experience..Lagi pun tempat I duduk ni takde Malaysian, may be in Manchester, Sheffield, Glassgow suasananya lain di mana ramai Malaysian duduk berdekatan.
Berbalik pada cerita currency exchange tadi, we try our best to avoid from dine elsewhere. We usually eat at home before we go out to minimise our spending on food as much as possible. Most of the time, we do window shopping in Debenham, Bhs, New Look, Selfridges Departmental Store, Mark & Spencer (M & S), Primark, Zara, Miss Selfridge, Monsoon, Harrods etc. Oxford Streets is the best place to window shop, or shop. Knightsbridge Street, High Kensington etc with many famous fashion shops, Hyde Park in the centre of London, Bayswater for its Multi nations' food, there are a number of Halal restaurants as you can choose Indian, Pakistan, Arab, Malaysian, Siam, Chinese, Mc D etc. M & S is a huge store where you can search for everything from raw food to home furnishing. I usually spent a few hours observing the items from one to another department and take a break in their coffee shop. I will have this thing once in two months time as I need to relief my mind a little bit, after staying at home everyday if I am not going to school. Usually once in a week I have an appointment with Dr Steven or Mr Alan, my 2nd supervisor. Once in a month there are meeting with the research students, or sometimes; twice in a month there are research methodology seminars with the school research staff.
The meeting usually will be started with showing the progress worksheets on research writing, diagram, structure, or discussion on the literature review and research questions. I can say that the guidance and discussion are being done in a professional manner of understanding and respect between us. I prefer to ask any questions that I needed further clarification from them. I prefer to be truth and honest in the discussion and Alhamdulillah we've been kind of happy this way, with this style of student-supervisor relationship. Derives from the discussion, I usually deliver the best I can to what was being asked to prepare. Probably, you could initiate the next meeting if there's something going on that u can't make it on the day's set. Try not to drag the meeting for a month or two as you will be lost. Almaklumlah you are on your own, you surely have the potential of diverting your thesis to something else...I pun sama terseleweng jugak sekali sekala..masa tu Ramadhan, Raya..masak/tidur je kerja..penatlah puasa more than 12 jam..summer time tu siang panjang, mlm pendek. Hahah..
The weather is so unpredictable as there are multi type of weather in a day. Basically, most of the time it is cold. A predicted sunny day could turns to a gloomy and cold throughout. Last year, started in the month of October, the temperature was down to 10-8 degrees at night and 10-13 day time. It seems to me that the fall seasons doesn't starts in September, but it was the whole year through. Undeniably that there were occasionally sunny sunshine's at 17-20 degrees but it was not last long in a day. I have experienced standing waiting for a bus in snows for 45 minutes, my both feet and hands were cramped and frozen! Tu dah pakai berapa lapis jackets, gloves, socks and boots!
Lupa nak pesan, if you plan to travel around London by a car, it is troublesome as you need to look for parking spaces and just for your info, we've been summoned for parking 6 times altogether last year £60 x 6 = £360 wasted unnecessarily. It was quite confusing sometimes as there were places where you can't park although you were certain that it was safe.
To be continued....
Wednesday, 21 April 2010
Determination vs Obstacles
Chapter 1: Pre-departure obstacles and tests from HIM
At 8.30am, i m checking emails and plan to start my research early. My schedule for research and writing the thesis are uncertain; sometimes early in the morning and sometimes late at night: 11am - 2pm, 4pm - 7pm, or 9pm - 2am.
I usually skip opening emails because it will drift my time away for an hour or so. I will throw all spammed emails and open just the important ones. I usually trying not to waste so much time on the unnecessary things, I would prefer to cater my time for: preparing meals, doing house chores, browsing Internet for research, reading or writing my thesis. But, of course there are times for updating my face book and chatting with friends once in a while.
I am sure that we are all the same when it comes to do our routine tasks; research, class lectures, presentation slides, marking, report writing etc. As I am in academic environment, I am used to having too many academic tasks; research supervisory, preparing lecture topics, prepare presentation slides, practical students' evaluation, academic reports, syllabus review, research collaboration, paper presentations, meetings, students open-day involvement, promotion and marketing involvement etc. I should say that if you are an academician, there is no ending in matters pertaining education to your nation, university, students and your own self improvement.
I remember very well how difficult it was for me to be here in UK pursuing my studies as what I am now; I have past 3 months in 2nd year. The day we safely arrived in Heathrow, London Airport still fresh in my mind. We were in Paddington, London for 2 nites before we came to Welwyn Garden City. In Welwyn, we were lucky that we've been invited to stay at a friend' house, a friend who had been introduced by another friend in Malaysia. Since we were new in England then, they offered us to stay at their house before we get a new place to stay. We were overwhelmed by their help, the family whom we have never met before, they are warm hearted, kind and generous. They are our family friends since then in UK, we contact each other often. In fact, we like to exchange food every now and then as we live near by :)
Back in Dec 2007, I was given the green light from UniKL to pursue the PhD in overseas, I was very happy and thinking to pursue the degree in Singapore. I planned to study there as I can comeback home when I needed. My husband had decided not to go with me at the first place, he had something to proceed in his business. If that's the case, my children will be left with him in Shah Alam, I thought at that time. I started workout and fine-tuned my research proposal. I updated my resume, went to the postgraduates' educational exhibitions, request and compiled necessary recommendation letters, filled-in University's application forms etc. I 've selected National University Singapore. In February 2008, I have prepared all the documents to be submitted to the University. Then, one day, a small talk with an old friend had changed my mind totally, I wanted to pursue the studies in Australia instead. I decided to apply for University of Wollongong in Australia or London Arts and Design, in United Kingdom. I discussed the decision with my husband and he wouldn't mind anywhere I wanted to go, Australia is a good place to study, furthermore there are Airasia flights operating its route there. So, i started to google Australia or so called: 'the land down under'.
March 2008 I wrote to Wollongong University and i got a positive reply from them. I proceed sending my research proposal and communicate with the professor through emails. It took months to complete the whole negotiating process with him and most of my free time was filled with writing the research proposal besides my teaching schedules at the Universiti of Kuala Lumpur. The last emails made me waited for almost two months and yet i did not hear from him, I assumed he's not interested with my research anymore. I couldn't wait any longer as i needed to try out with a few more universities. I believed 'ada hikmah disebalik apa yang berlaku' (Blessing in disguise).
My second trial was with London University of Arts and Design, i got a negative respond from them as my proposal was being cut to 5 pages instead of the original 12 pages. I should say that the University couldn't really see the significant of the proposal. I was frustrated and decided not to pursue it anymore. I left my research proposal unattended for a few months until there was one day i spoke to a colleague in UniKL. He encouraged me to proceed to pursue my studies as I had been given the chance by UniKL. I had a deep thought again after that.
One day, there was an advertisement in a local newspaper on Undergraduates and Postgraduates further studies in University of Hertfordshire, UK. They were in Malaysia for the intakes and conducted Walk-in interviews in Penang, and KL. I quickly compiled my resume and documents again and ready to go for the interview. The interview was good with the representatives from the University of Herts and the local agent' to the University. I got a positive reply a few days later, i was told to sit for the IELTS exam in British Council situated at Jalan Ampang. A phone called to British Council acknowledged me that i couldn't sit for the coming scheduled exam as it was full. Therefore, I needed to check on the next scheduled exam which will be held in the month of September in Penang. The exam will takes 2 months to process for the results; which was in the mid of October. I felt a bit panic as the time was quiet tight. No matter what, I had to sit for the exam or I will loose the opportunity. If I did not proceed this time around, UniKL will probably reconsider or withdraw my application because of the age limitation. I had to fork out my own pocket money to pay for the exam which cost me RM600, i also had to spent for the hotel accommodation and transportation to Penang. I was told that UniKL is not sponsoring for passports, visas, flight tickets and winter clothing's for the spouse and children. I had no choice but to proceed. At last, I spent more than RM15,000 in total for those compulsory things to UK. I then got a personal loan to standby in UK.
The 2nd hurdles. This came right after an advertisement by MAS aired in the radio and television' promotion tickets on sales to UK. (Airasia hasn't operate to UK yet at that time) This price was cheaper by half the normal price and the promotion was only in 3 consecutive days. "This offer definitely saving my budget as i need to buy for 5 adults' tickets for all of us" I reminded myself. I was so worried and confused to buy or not to buy as I need to wait for my IELTS results, which will only be surfaced in the mid of October. But, if i didn't grab this immediate offer, it means that i will not be getting this kind of offer anymore! There will definitely no more promotion within these 2 months. I double checked with my sisters and close friends seeking their advices, they too thinking the same thing. My sister convinced me that i will eventually make it to UK. Yes, of course at that time I was given an offer letter from the Uni. of Herts. (with conditions to pass a minimum of 6.0 IELTS and a letter of full sponsoring letter from UniKL) A call to check on the tickets with Human Resource department confirmed that UniKL is not paying for the rest of my family members (spouse and kids) but will only covers mine and i will only get the reimbursement when i submitted the claims with MARA London in UK later. I was not sure that i will get a 6.0 IELTS, but i couldn't miss the offer. After a careful justifications, i bought the tickets at last. I have no choice unless to use my credit card for a total amount of RM9750.00 to purchase 5 adults tickets so that all of us will go to UK by Jan 19, 2009. I waited patiently for the Visas approval from the British High Commission. 'Tawakkal-a lallah'! My motto! This is what i called myself, darah cik Siti Wan Kembang, pahlawan wanita di kelantan dahulu kala yang berani berjuang... To shorten the story, i only got all the Visas a week before the departure date!!I should tell you that, it was me who tried my best to call/email the University of Herts as there was a small mistakes on 'JACs Code' typed on the offer letter which i had submitted to British High Commission.. Geram betul bila ingat...
The 3rd hurdles was the worst, i got a news from HR that I will get a C rating in UK for the living expenses allowance which had been allocated for PhD students studying in University of Hertfordshire. To UniKL and my understanding, the rating was wrong as the location of University of Herts is situated only 25 miles from Great London. I did not give up either. I wrote an appeal letter to HR GM, cc. a copy to Deputy President of UniKL, luckily i got their supports, and i did another letter which was sent to the Mara's person in charged. Actually this matter has not solved until now, I m still hoping it will eventually solved!
A month before we departed, I was ups and downs in the British High Commission, Immigration Office, MARA office etc; photocopied documents to submit for the MARA's approval, classes to teach, students to attend to, filling MARA's forms which as thick as 1.5 cm. I have to say that applying Visa for all of us was the most troublesome among all. It was because the British High Commission wants to make sure that you and your family will have enough financial supports to stay in UK. Besides the guarantied letter from MARA, Universities, you need to submit all relevant financial forms of bank statements, insurance's policies, your own savings and the address you planned to stay in UK. All together, for almost 4 months, i came back home late, no more clock out at 5pm which i usually did. 7 or 8pm were my clock out time in the last few months in 2008. I was tired and exhausted but managed to overcome day to day tasks patiently. Oh ya, one unforgettable experience which extremely funny and I considered as the most unacceptable memory: 'phone call to the MARA officer in charge'. We (this happened to all of us; who intend to pursue further studies) called the officer in charged but we only got her replied once or twice even though we called her for more than 30 times...there were so many reasons we need to call her and it seems that we all gave up. I was to check on the allowance rating...as I told you I got a C rates. I frustrated, but it was too late! I couldn't apply to another University in the UK within those few weeks, i will have to have at least 6 months to apply and start all over again if I were to do so. I just couldn't do anything accept for proceeding to the said University as I only have 3 weeks to fly! The most suspense moment in my life..hahah..
My lesson in the 3rd obstacles is, never trust anyone! You have to check it out yourself even though you couldn't get the person on the phone, you must go all out to check the ratings for the allowance at the first place. (For your info, i was told in the first place that i will get an A rates as the University is in the circle of greater London). Lastly, for your information again all my dear friends, today, its been 16months I am here in UK and I am still getting the C rates!! £748 - £650 = £98. Almost 90% of the allowance goes to the rental. I am still trying to appeal from time to time for my right on this matter. You can imagine now how do we still surviving in England; among the highest currency country. Bengkok..
"Success comes with struggles".
to be continued....
At 8.30am, i m checking emails and plan to start my research early. My schedule for research and writing the thesis are uncertain; sometimes early in the morning and sometimes late at night: 11am - 2pm, 4pm - 7pm, or 9pm - 2am.
I usually skip opening emails because it will drift my time away for an hour or so. I will throw all spammed emails and open just the important ones. I usually trying not to waste so much time on the unnecessary things, I would prefer to cater my time for: preparing meals, doing house chores, browsing Internet for research, reading or writing my thesis. But, of course there are times for updating my face book and chatting with friends once in a while.
I am sure that we are all the same when it comes to do our routine tasks; research, class lectures, presentation slides, marking, report writing etc. As I am in academic environment, I am used to having too many academic tasks; research supervisory, preparing lecture topics, prepare presentation slides, practical students' evaluation, academic reports, syllabus review, research collaboration, paper presentations, meetings, students open-day involvement, promotion and marketing involvement etc. I should say that if you are an academician, there is no ending in matters pertaining education to your nation, university, students and your own self improvement.
I remember very well how difficult it was for me to be here in UK pursuing my studies as what I am now; I have past 3 months in 2nd year. The day we safely arrived in Heathrow, London Airport still fresh in my mind. We were in Paddington, London for 2 nites before we came to Welwyn Garden City. In Welwyn, we were lucky that we've been invited to stay at a friend' house, a friend who had been introduced by another friend in Malaysia. Since we were new in England then, they offered us to stay at their house before we get a new place to stay. We were overwhelmed by their help, the family whom we have never met before, they are warm hearted, kind and generous. They are our family friends since then in UK, we contact each other often. In fact, we like to exchange food every now and then as we live near by :)
Back in Dec 2007, I was given the green light from UniKL to pursue the PhD in overseas, I was very happy and thinking to pursue the degree in Singapore. I planned to study there as I can comeback home when I needed. My husband had decided not to go with me at the first place, he had something to proceed in his business. If that's the case, my children will be left with him in Shah Alam, I thought at that time. I started workout and fine-tuned my research proposal. I updated my resume, went to the postgraduates' educational exhibitions, request and compiled necessary recommendation letters, filled-in University's application forms etc. I 've selected National University Singapore. In February 2008, I have prepared all the documents to be submitted to the University. Then, one day, a small talk with an old friend had changed my mind totally, I wanted to pursue the studies in Australia instead. I decided to apply for University of Wollongong in Australia or London Arts and Design, in United Kingdom. I discussed the decision with my husband and he wouldn't mind anywhere I wanted to go, Australia is a good place to study, furthermore there are Airasia flights operating its route there. So, i started to google Australia or so called: 'the land down under'.
March 2008 I wrote to Wollongong University and i got a positive reply from them. I proceed sending my research proposal and communicate with the professor through emails. It took months to complete the whole negotiating process with him and most of my free time was filled with writing the research proposal besides my teaching schedules at the Universiti of Kuala Lumpur. The last emails made me waited for almost two months and yet i did not hear from him, I assumed he's not interested with my research anymore. I couldn't wait any longer as i needed to try out with a few more universities. I believed 'ada hikmah disebalik apa yang berlaku' (Blessing in disguise).
My second trial was with London University of Arts and Design, i got a negative respond from them as my proposal was being cut to 5 pages instead of the original 12 pages. I should say that the University couldn't really see the significant of the proposal. I was frustrated and decided not to pursue it anymore. I left my research proposal unattended for a few months until there was one day i spoke to a colleague in UniKL. He encouraged me to proceed to pursue my studies as I had been given the chance by UniKL. I had a deep thought again after that.
One day, there was an advertisement in a local newspaper on Undergraduates and Postgraduates further studies in University of Hertfordshire, UK. They were in Malaysia for the intakes and conducted Walk-in interviews in Penang, and KL. I quickly compiled my resume and documents again and ready to go for the interview. The interview was good with the representatives from the University of Herts and the local agent' to the University. I got a positive reply a few days later, i was told to sit for the IELTS exam in British Council situated at Jalan Ampang. A phone called to British Council acknowledged me that i couldn't sit for the coming scheduled exam as it was full. Therefore, I needed to check on the next scheduled exam which will be held in the month of September in Penang. The exam will takes 2 months to process for the results; which was in the mid of October. I felt a bit panic as the time was quiet tight. No matter what, I had to sit for the exam or I will loose the opportunity. If I did not proceed this time around, UniKL will probably reconsider or withdraw my application because of the age limitation. I had to fork out my own pocket money to pay for the exam which cost me RM600, i also had to spent for the hotel accommodation and transportation to Penang. I was told that UniKL is not sponsoring for passports, visas, flight tickets and winter clothing's for the spouse and children. I had no choice but to proceed. At last, I spent more than RM15,000 in total for those compulsory things to UK. I then got a personal loan to standby in UK.
The 2nd hurdles. This came right after an advertisement by MAS aired in the radio and television' promotion tickets on sales to UK. (Airasia hasn't operate to UK yet at that time) This price was cheaper by half the normal price and the promotion was only in 3 consecutive days. "This offer definitely saving my budget as i need to buy for 5 adults' tickets for all of us" I reminded myself. I was so worried and confused to buy or not to buy as I need to wait for my IELTS results, which will only be surfaced in the mid of October. But, if i didn't grab this immediate offer, it means that i will not be getting this kind of offer anymore! There will definitely no more promotion within these 2 months. I double checked with my sisters and close friends seeking their advices, they too thinking the same thing. My sister convinced me that i will eventually make it to UK. Yes, of course at that time I was given an offer letter from the Uni. of Herts. (with conditions to pass a minimum of 6.0 IELTS and a letter of full sponsoring letter from UniKL) A call to check on the tickets with Human Resource department confirmed that UniKL is not paying for the rest of my family members (spouse and kids) but will only covers mine and i will only get the reimbursement when i submitted the claims with MARA London in UK later. I was not sure that i will get a 6.0 IELTS, but i couldn't miss the offer. After a careful justifications, i bought the tickets at last. I have no choice unless to use my credit card for a total amount of RM9750.00 to purchase 5 adults tickets so that all of us will go to UK by Jan 19, 2009. I waited patiently for the Visas approval from the British High Commission. 'Tawakkal-a lallah'! My motto! This is what i called myself, darah cik Siti Wan Kembang, pahlawan wanita di kelantan dahulu kala yang berani berjuang... To shorten the story, i only got all the Visas a week before the departure date!!I should tell you that, it was me who tried my best to call/email the University of Herts as there was a small mistakes on 'JACs Code' typed on the offer letter which i had submitted to British High Commission.. Geram betul bila ingat...
The 3rd hurdles was the worst, i got a news from HR that I will get a C rating in UK for the living expenses allowance which had been allocated for PhD students studying in University of Hertfordshire. To UniKL and my understanding, the rating was wrong as the location of University of Herts is situated only 25 miles from Great London. I did not give up either. I wrote an appeal letter to HR GM, cc. a copy to Deputy President of UniKL, luckily i got their supports, and i did another letter which was sent to the Mara's person in charged. Actually this matter has not solved until now, I m still hoping it will eventually solved!
A month before we departed, I was ups and downs in the British High Commission, Immigration Office, MARA office etc; photocopied documents to submit for the MARA's approval, classes to teach, students to attend to, filling MARA's forms which as thick as 1.5 cm. I have to say that applying Visa for all of us was the most troublesome among all. It was because the British High Commission wants to make sure that you and your family will have enough financial supports to stay in UK. Besides the guarantied letter from MARA, Universities, you need to submit all relevant financial forms of bank statements, insurance's policies, your own savings and the address you planned to stay in UK. All together, for almost 4 months, i came back home late, no more clock out at 5pm which i usually did. 7 or 8pm were my clock out time in the last few months in 2008. I was tired and exhausted but managed to overcome day to day tasks patiently. Oh ya, one unforgettable experience which extremely funny and I considered as the most unacceptable memory: 'phone call to the MARA officer in charge'. We (this happened to all of us; who intend to pursue further studies) called the officer in charged but we only got her replied once or twice even though we called her for more than 30 times...there were so many reasons we need to call her and it seems that we all gave up. I was to check on the allowance rating...as I told you I got a C rates. I frustrated, but it was too late! I couldn't apply to another University in the UK within those few weeks, i will have to have at least 6 months to apply and start all over again if I were to do so. I just couldn't do anything accept for proceeding to the said University as I only have 3 weeks to fly! The most suspense moment in my life..hahah..
My lesson in the 3rd obstacles is, never trust anyone! You have to check it out yourself even though you couldn't get the person on the phone, you must go all out to check the ratings for the allowance at the first place. (For your info, i was told in the first place that i will get an A rates as the University is in the circle of greater London). Lastly, for your information again all my dear friends, today, its been 16months I am here in UK and I am still getting the C rates!! £748 - £650 = £98. Almost 90% of the allowance goes to the rental. I am still trying to appeal from time to time for my right on this matter. You can imagine now how do we still surviving in England; among the highest currency country. Bengkok..
"Success comes with struggles".
to be continued....
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