Adik-adik...

Tiba-tiba mata celik melihat jam di dinding menunjukkan jam baru pukul 6pagi..tapi cahayanya di luar seolah-olah jam sudah pukul 8pagi di tempat kita, Malaysia. Berbeza kulit orangnya berbeza masa dan keadaan. Keseronokkan tidur berlapiskan selimut tebal tiada lagi apabila musim panas begini menjelma. Kadang-kadang rasa seperti di Malaysia pula cuaca semalam 33 darjah celcius. Orang putih suka keadaan seperti ini, mereka keluar rumah, berjemur di taman, seolah-olah berpesta..di kedai-kedai, mereka berjalan-jalan baik yang muda atau yang tua. Wajah yang tua sentiasa berhias, pakaiannya kemas dan lawa, matching color handbag and shoes...gagahi walau bertongkat berjalan bersama teman. Aku kagum melihat tingkah laku mereka, aku kagum semangat mereka. Kadang-kadang aku mengelamun hingga ke 'Sex and the city' empat sekawan yang sentiasa berjumpa minum bersama-sama dan bercerita..agaknya mereka ini seperti itu di zaman lalu..usik hati ku lagi, aku ingin melihat orang-orang berumur di Malaysia seperti mereka, keluar beristirehat atau berjalan2 dengan rakan sambil 'exercise' lutut dan kaki yang lemah. Apalah salahnya amalkan berjalan2 di taman setelah penat ke surau, ke pasar dan lain-lain. Mungkin masa tua ku nanti aku akan lakukan begitu. Tetapi sebagai 'academic', bilakah agaknya aku pencen? Mungkin aku akan masih berceramah sehingga mencecah 70an..kalau diizinkan Allah..Apakah masa itu aku masih diperlukan untuk mencurahkan ilmu kepada generasi baru? Pepatah melayu mengatakan, kekayaan dan harta boleh dicari, tetapi ilmu sukar diperolehi...pengorbanan dan pencarian ilmu ini bukan sekadar untuk diriku dan keluarga ku tetapi bangsa dan agama selagi aku hidup..InshaAllah..

Aku ingin berkongsi dengan kawan-kawan ku, yang aku anggap adik-adikku..Kadang-kadang aku berfikir panjang tentang 'insan yang dinamakan manusia'. Aku sedih dan tidak percaya adanya insan yang terlalu takut dengan bayang-bayang sendiri. Mereka ini seolah-olah senantiasa mencari kesalahan orang lain atau kekurangan orang lain. Bahkan dikorek, dihebohkan digosip mengenai perihal orang lain..Apakah tujuan sebenar orang sebegini? Mengapakah masa mereka dihabiskan dengan memikirkan oang lain? Alangkah baiknya jika masa itu di isikan dengan memikirkan diri mereka sendiri? Atau memikirkan bagaimanakah hendak memperbaiki kekurangan diri? keluarga? pelajar2? Apakah cukup ilmu yang ada pada ini? Perlukah aku menghiasi diriku untuk suamiku? Bagaimana pula pakaian ku, rambutku? Wajahku? Lantaran, aku rasa kita patut memikirkan semua ini pada diri kita sendiri dan cuba untuk memperbaiki diri kita..bukannya kita asyik menuding jari memikirkan nasib dan status orang lain..mencari jalan dengan cara menyindir dalam menegur..atau apabila penat beristirehat dengan mencari cerita/gosip mengumpat orang lain? Apakah itu suruhan agama kita? Memang aku mengaku manusia itu tidak sempurna, aku juga tidak sempurna. Tetapi sedarkah bahawa sedikit perasan dengki dan hasad kita boleh membawa kita kepada kesengsaraan yang tak kesudahan..hati bengkak, kepala pening, kerja tak jalan, anak-anak terbiar, kesudahannya semua benda tak boleh buat..masak pun jadi malas untuk suami..suami lalu marah dan jemu keluar makan kedai mamak...kat situ suami nampak orang lain, muda, cantik..ha!! Mulalah dia teringin..dan menggatal...dibandingkan dengan isterinya dirumah..asyik-asyik mengelamun, asyik2 bercerita pasal orang..rambut pun tak sikat, muka tak berbedak...Jadi, salah siapa? Tanya diri sendiri dengan adil dan jawab soalan ini dengan adil pada diri sendiri..

Aku pun bukan perfect dan aku mempunyai kekurangan juga, tapi aku sedih dengan sifat orang kita yang dengki, suka mengata dan malas ni. Maksud ku, sampai bila kita nak menjadi malas? Malas nak pakai bedak, malas nak bersolek, malas nak pakai baju lawa-lawa, malas nak masak, malas nak layan suami, malas nak kerja..malas nak mencari ilmu..malas boleh bawa kita ke tempat yang tak kesudahan! Malas itu syaitan! Aku tempis sifat malas ku..aku tempis malah segala-galanya..aku tahu aku juga ada sifat malas kadang-kadang..tapi aku tidak biarkan ia..I fight!! Aku mohon aku tidak akan dengki kepada orang lain..walaupun kalau nak ikutkan aku heran menilik diriku yang sentiasa berkerja kuat untuk menampung keluarga, bukan kawan ku yang satu tu..dia kaya dan senang, tak perlu berkerja sekeras aku. Itu kalau aku nak dengki.. tapi aku berfikir dengan waras dan berpesan pada diriku bahawa walaupun dia kaya dan ada orang gaji, tetapi dia masak untuk suami dan keluarga, dia uruskan perniagaannya dengan cara tersendiri, dan dia baik sangat peribadi dan hati budinya..itu Rahmat Allah kurniakan kepadanya..dan aku? Aku mempunyai kekuatan dari segi lain..aku seorang isteri yang menolong suami, anak-anak dan berkerja keras mencari ilmu untuk bangsa dan agama..Itu kekuatan ku.. Allah sudah suratkan aku sebegitu. Mungkin jika aku mempunyai suami yang kaya, aku tidak akan menuntut ilmu sehingga ke sini..jauh di sudut dunia dan keseorangan....bahkan mungkin jika aku sudah senang, cukup segala-gala, aku tidak akan pedulikan nasib kawan-kawan seperjuangan ku dan memberi sedikit sumbangan dalam menaikkan semangat perjuangan mencari ilmu dan memperbaiki diri..mungkin aku sibuk berholiday kesana- kesini dan tidak mempunyai kesedaran tentang kehidupan seperti apa yang aku ada ini?

Itulah..itulah kekuatan suratan Qadaq dan Qadar daripada Allah Subhanahuwata'ala atas sesuatu..fikri-fikirlah, tarik nafas, hembus, dan bermunajat mohon pertolongan dari Allah...

Aku sudahi dengan, yang baik itu datang darpada Allah..yang buruk itu dari hamba mu...

bersambung.....

Research title: first and foremost

Struggling, struggling & struggling! I am now drafting and schedulling my research thesis structure with Microsoft project professional. This is a good software for a project planning to be completed on time. With this schedule, it is my highest hope to see everything will goes smoothly as planned and I got to be optimistic.

For the past few months I 've been thinking hard on the research title as the title was in the broad understanding of new media. I've come to a stage where I couldn't fix the title to be narrowed as much as possible. (My topic is to examine the psychological effects of children's learning in new media convergence world) But, it was so lucky that due to the professionalism of my supervisors since day one, they instructed me to read, examine and argue literature review writings from the secondary sources available based on 'dialogue' and technology relating to children which I've followed. Normally, he reads my writing and gives his comments besides conducted Q & A on it. He did that to make sure I understand fully what I was mentioning in the writing. Most of the time, I was told to be careful and think deeply before I decided to read and write. I should say that it was a slow phase to phase of supervision as I was trying my very best to fit in and familiarising the research scope at the beginning. The supervisions were conducted mostly once a week in the first 6 months. As I was only given a certain period of time to complete by MARA, I try my best fulfiling the supervision sessions and usually bring something/work for the sessions. By weekly basis, I show some progress such as: research bibliographies selection print, mind maps, rough thesis' structure, 3-5 pages of books' or journals' reviews or 5-10 pages of my own writing literature review based on secondary sources which I found very useful and extremely related to my research' topic. I was aware that I have to play the major role in this studies and therefore I've determined my research' title roughly in the beginning. This, has resulted me struggling in searching and reading the materials continuously. The process undeniably tough in the first 6 months as I was in the situation of unable to recognise which is which; book to purchase? to read? and to write? It was huge! Thus, everyday slowly and steadyly I spent 1st 6 months on researching articles, journals and books on these topics; learning technology, new media, dialogue for learning, psychology of children's development, media, social culture, media convergence, TV etc. It was really a matter of forcing my energy to the highest, read, write, consult, discuss, again and again. These processes actually remain the same untill now. At least, I get myself ready from time to time in examining and analysing my research.

I do not know about others; researchers whose planning their topics and scheduling their working methods, I supposed it is varied. Here, I am recommending you to make in such a way that research title is the first and foremost to fixed and confirmed if possible. You should begin with the research title/scope and try not to change it. Undoubtedly it takes time and hardwork. I guess most of the researchers fixed their title properly and then followed by researching literature review, conducting their methodology relating to their research requirements, then the research problem/question, contribution to knowledge and lastly conclusion. Aproximately 60,000 words altogether. This is the right flow of a thesis writing and it is the best if you could.

But, what I am trying to share here is that there are possibilities that you could be trapped in the same situation as I was. You could be confused with the 'big topic' where you are facing difficulties in narrowing it down to the exact field or scope that you are interested in. As this blog is dedicated to share, I would like to remind that if this happen to you, you are going to face risk later on. The reasons behind are: you may wasting lots of time in re-finding secondary sources, re-reading, re-writing etc. Looking at my case, fortunately it turns out OK because I've set/fixed a topic where the scope of the examination is on 'dialogue and children'. That said, all my writing so far were on 'dialogue and children', which means I can still use the writing no matter how many times I switched the object of the research. It was not my intention at all but it did happen, from time to time I was trying to keep the topic narrowed. It was because 'dialogue and children' are the main focus in this research, so it is just a matter of matching it with different perspective or scope of the 'technology' that I am interested in. Syukur setakat ni I can say that this matter is solved.

Last month, I was busy sending the appeal letter on the scholarship matter with MARA, I wrote to a few key people in charged described and explained my situation as I believe I deserved to appeal. Last month also put me and my husband in the miserable stage where the council of Welwyn & Hatfield insisted in instructing my husband to pay for the council tax. It was actually a mistakes as we are foreigners with visas on student and student dependent which we do not have to. Alhamdulillah, now that the matter is solved after I called the officer in charged and told her about my status. For any Malaysian students (pls note that there is a phrase written on your visa that you are stated as 'no recourse to public funds, which means you are exempted from paying council tax as you are not entitled to have public fund' supports in UK)

Now, I've been looking and searching for a studio to live as I 've decided to move from my current rent apartment. My daughter Sara is finishing her GCSE soon, she wants to have a break. We probably need to locate ourselves in a place nearer to town as I can just take the bus easily to University more often. I thought I wanted to make a routines going to school 5 days a week since there is a room, computers and office equipment has been placed for the research students.

For my friends out there, please plan nicely if you have the intention to visit UK/me as now the weather is good and you can stay at my place.. SPRING time now!! If you come here after August, I can't promise you on the place to stay since I am going to rent a studio only. I've seen the studio 2 days ago for a viewing arrangement with the agent, there are a small room AKA bedroom, a small kitchen and a bathroom. Takpelah, kita tengoklah camne nanti..itu pun belum tentu I ambik yg itu..ada lagi yg lain2 belum tgok..


To be continued....

Understanding Britain and British

People used to say that staying in UK is not enjoyable, but holidaying in UK is definitely is. I agree with that says after a few months we were here. Please be reminded that I am not referring to the advancement in educational support, the stability of the policy systems and the administration of the government but, I am referring to the atmosphere and the feeling of residing in Britain. Why do I said so?

First few months here, we started to feel uneasy with the currency exchange rate. E.g.: buying a burger in Mc D will cost £4/5 p/person; which is equivalent to RM15/20 for just a burger in Malaysia. In Malaysia Hall, you can have a plate of nasi & lauk for £5-6 a meal p/person. Travelling to and fro Welwyn garden city (25miles to London) to London Central train station, Kings Cross will cost £18 per/person. (with a day pass within central London to Zone 6 only) Entering to an old Palace cost £17 p/person adult. (There are lots of museums with free of charged) Madam Tousoude entrance fee for adult is £27 p/person, child is £25 p/person. A single trip by bus to the University cost £2.50 p/person (you could ask for a day trip if you want to be cheaper before you start the journey). A key-chain for souvenir cost £5 - 1, which depending on the size and design. That means, you can easily spent £100 a day = RM500 minimum if you are in London. Believe it or not that we haven't experienced the eye of London, Mdm Tousoude, Thames river cruise etc after 16 months here! kesiankan?..Anak2 I dah lama dok ajak, I buat tak tahu je...hehe...Certainly, you could spend as much as you can if you are well prepared with your budget allocation based on where you want to reside. A small town e.g. Manchester, Sheffield, Glassgow, etc are much more easy to manage and plan your monthly commitment and spending.

Ni bab seronok nak cerita, kena tulis dalam bahasa kita. You can't have a break by going out to Teh-tarik or sembang2 ngan jiran. Sekor pun tak keluar rumah sbb sejuk, semua balik kerja memerap, keluar ada tujuan. Dorang ni stylenya berbeza, dorang buat hall masing2. Just kata hi tu adalah. I plak, kete takde, my husband took it to work. My kids lah yg paling kesian, balik sekolah, mengadap komputer layan diri ngan games, FB, emails, of course buat kerja sekolah. Sekali sekala, weekend, I bagilah dorang nak keluar pergi town ngan kawan2. My husband, lagi kesian, dulu kat Malaysia, I balik kerja dia takde, dinner time adala, then kul 10mlm, teh tarik..3 kali jugak seminggu..balik kul 12/1pagi...ha kat sini, balik kerja terus dok rumah. Alangkah baiknya!
I plak, dulu, boring sikit jalan2 kat shopping kompleks ngan anak2, or kawan2, makan2. Now..boring ke tak boring ke...dok rumahlah jawabnya. Sebab, nak keluar sejuk, duit lagi, masa lagi, nak kena jalan kaki lagi nak tunggu bas....hahah orang kata pusing 180 degrees....Last2 aku duduk rumah, masak, buat kerja, FB, tgok TV bila boring, makan, minum. Amacam? best ke tak best? Sapa kata best, boleh lah buat PhD kat sini, sapa kata tak best, alamatnya jgan datang sini. Buat kat Malaysia...lagi best macam2 tmpat boleh pergi, murah, dll. Ini terpulanglah..this was based on my experience..Lagi pun tempat I duduk ni takde Malaysian, may be in Manchester, Sheffield, Glassgow suasananya lain di mana ramai Malaysian duduk berdekatan.

Berbalik pada cerita currency exchange tadi, we try our best to avoid from dine elsewhere. We usually eat at home before we go out to minimise our spending on food as much as possible. Most of the time, we do window shopping in Debenham, Bhs, New Look, Selfridges Departmental Store, Mark & Spencer (M & S), Primark, Zara, Miss Selfridge, Monsoon, Harrods etc. Oxford Streets is the best place to window shop, or shop. Knightsbridge Street, High Kensington etc with many famous fashion shops, Hyde Park in the centre of London, Bayswater for its Multi nations' food, there are a number of Halal restaurants as you can choose Indian, Pakistan, Arab, Malaysian, Siam, Chinese, Mc D etc. M & S is a huge store where you can search for everything from raw food to home furnishing. I usually spent a few hours observing the items from one to another department and take a break in their coffee shop. I will have this thing once in two months time as I need to relief my mind a little bit, after staying at home everyday if I am not going to school. Usually once in a week I have an appointment with Dr Steven or Mr Alan, my 2nd supervisor. Once in a month there are meeting with the research students, or sometimes; twice in a month there are research methodology seminars with the school research staff.

The meeting usually will be started with showing the progress worksheets on research writing, diagram, structure, or discussion on the literature review and research questions. I can say that the guidance and discussion are being done in a professional manner of understanding and respect between us. I prefer to ask any questions that I needed further clarification from them. I prefer to be truth and honest in the discussion and Alhamdulillah we've been kind of happy this way, with this style of student-supervisor relationship. Derives from the discussion, I usually deliver the best I can to what was being asked to prepare. Probably, you could initiate the next meeting if there's something going on that u can't make it on the day's set. Try not to drag the meeting for a month or two as you will be lost. Almaklumlah you are on your own, you surely have the potential of diverting your thesis to something else...I pun sama terseleweng jugak sekali sekala..masa tu Ramadhan, Raya..masak/tidur je kerja..penatlah puasa more than 12 jam..summer time tu siang panjang, mlm pendek. Hahah..

The weather is so unpredictable as there are multi type of weather in a day. Basically, most of the time it is cold. A predicted sunny day could turns to a gloomy and cold throughout. Last year, started in the month of October, the temperature was down to 10-8 degrees at night and 10-13 day time. It seems to me that the fall seasons doesn't starts in September, but it was the whole year through. Undeniably that there were occasionally sunny sunshine's at 17-20 degrees but it was not last long in a day. I have experienced standing waiting for a bus in snows for 45 minutes, my both feet and hands were cramped and frozen! Tu dah pakai berapa lapis jackets, gloves, socks and boots!



Lupa nak pesan, if you plan to travel around London by a car, it is troublesome as you need to look for parking spaces and just for your info, we've been summoned for parking 6 times altogether last year £60 x 6 = £360 wasted unnecessarily. It was quite confusing sometimes as there were places where you can't park although you were certain that it was safe.

To be continued....