Determination vs Obstacles

Chapter 1: Pre-departure obstacles and tests from HIM

At 8.30am, i m checking emails and plan to start my research early. My schedule for research and writing the thesis are uncertain; sometimes early in the morning and sometimes late at night: 11am - 2pm, 4pm - 7pm, or 9pm - 2am.

I usually skip opening emails because it will drift my time away for an hour or so. I will throw all spammed emails and open just the important ones. I usually trying not to waste so much time on the unnecessary things, I would prefer to cater my time for: preparing meals, doing house chores, browsing Internet for research, reading or writing my thesis. But, of course there are times for updating my face book and chatting with friends once in a while.

I am sure that we are all the same when it comes to do our routine tasks; research, class lectures, presentation slides, marking, report writing etc. As I am in academic environment, I am used to having too many academic tasks; research supervisory, preparing lecture topics, prepare presentation slides, practical students' evaluation, academic reports, syllabus review, research collaboration, paper presentations, meetings, students open-day involvement, promotion and marketing involvement etc. I should say that if you are an academician, there is no ending in matters pertaining education to your nation, university, students and your own self improvement.

I remember very well how difficult it was for me to be here in UK pursuing my studies as what I am now; I have past 3 months in 2nd year. The day we safely arrived in Heathrow, London Airport still fresh in my mind. We were in Paddington, London for 2 nites before we came to Welwyn Garden City. In Welwyn, we were lucky that we've been invited to stay at a friend' house, a friend who had been introduced by another friend in Malaysia. Since we were new in England then, they offered us to stay at their house before we get a new place to stay. We were overwhelmed by their help, the family whom we have never met before, they are warm hearted, kind and generous. They are our family friends since then in UK, we contact each other often. In fact, we like to exchange food every now and then as we live near by :)

Back in Dec 2007, I was given the green light from UniKL to pursue the PhD in overseas, I was very happy and thinking to pursue the degree in Singapore. I planned to study there as I can comeback home when I needed. My husband had decided not to go with me at the first place, he had something to proceed in his business. If that's the case, my children will be left with him in Shah Alam, I thought at that time. I started workout and fine-tuned my research proposal. I updated my resume, went to the postgraduates' educational exhibitions, request and compiled necessary recommendation letters, filled-in University's application forms etc. I 've selected National University Singapore. In February 2008, I have prepared all the documents to be submitted to the University. Then, one day, a small talk with an old friend had changed my mind totally, I wanted to pursue the studies in Australia instead. I decided to apply for University of Wollongong in Australia or London Arts and Design, in United Kingdom. I discussed the decision with my husband and he wouldn't mind anywhere I wanted to go, Australia is a good place to study, furthermore there are Airasia flights operating its route there. So, i started to google Australia or so called: 'the land down under'.

March 2008 I wrote to Wollongong University and i got a positive reply from them. I proceed sending my research proposal and communicate with the professor through emails. It took months to complete the whole negotiating process with him and most of my free time was filled with writing the research proposal besides my teaching schedules at the Universiti of Kuala Lumpur. The last emails made me waited for almost two months and yet i did not hear from him, I assumed he's not interested with my research anymore. I couldn't wait any longer as i needed to try out with a few more universities. I believed 'ada hikmah disebalik apa yang berlaku' (Blessing in disguise).

My second trial was with London University of Arts and Design, i got a negative respond from them as my proposal was being cut to 5 pages instead of the original 12 pages. I should say that the University couldn't really see the significant of the proposal. I was frustrated and decided not to pursue it anymore. I left my research proposal unattended for a few months until there was one day i spoke to a colleague in UniKL. He encouraged me to proceed to pursue my studies as I had been given the chance by UniKL. I had a deep thought again after that.

One day, there was an advertisement in a local newspaper on Undergraduates and Postgraduates further studies in University of Hertfordshire, UK. They were in Malaysia for the intakes and conducted Walk-in interviews in Penang, and KL. I quickly compiled my resume and documents again and ready to go for the interview. The interview was good with the representatives from the University of Herts and the local agent' to the University. I got a positive reply a few days later, i was told to sit for the IELTS exam in British Council situated at Jalan Ampang. A phone called to British Council acknowledged me that i couldn't sit for the coming scheduled exam as it was full. Therefore, I needed to check on the next scheduled exam which will be held in the month of September in Penang. The exam will takes 2 months to process for the results; which was in the mid of October. I felt a bit panic as the time was quiet tight. No matter what, I had to sit for the exam or I will loose the opportunity. If I did not proceed this time around, UniKL will probably reconsider or withdraw my application because of the age limitation. I had to fork out my own pocket money to pay for the exam which cost me RM600, i also had to spent for the hotel accommodation and transportation to Penang. I was told that UniKL is not sponsoring for passports, visas, flight tickets and winter clothing's for the spouse and children. I had no choice but to proceed. At last, I spent more than RM15,000 in total for those compulsory things to UK. I then got a personal loan to standby in UK.

The 2nd hurdles. This came right after an advertisement by MAS aired in the radio and television' promotion tickets on sales to UK. (Airasia hasn't operate to UK yet at that time) This price was cheaper by half the normal price and the promotion was only in 3 consecutive days. "This offer definitely saving my budget as i need to buy for 5 adults' tickets for all of us" I reminded myself. I was so worried and confused to buy or not to buy as I need to wait for my IELTS results, which will only be surfaced in the mid of October. But, if i didn't grab this immediate offer, it means that i will not be getting this kind of offer anymore! There will definitely no more promotion within these 2 months. I double checked with my sisters and close friends seeking their advices, they too thinking the same thing. My sister convinced me that i will eventually make it to UK. Yes, of course at that time I was given an offer letter from the Uni. of Herts. (with conditions to pass a minimum of 6.0 IELTS and a letter of full sponsoring letter from UniKL) A call to check on the tickets with Human Resource department confirmed that UniKL is not paying for the rest of my family members (spouse and kids) but will only covers mine and i will only get the reimbursement when i submitted the claims with MARA London in UK later. I was not sure that i will get a 6.0 IELTS, but i couldn't miss the offer. After a careful justifications, i bought the tickets at last. I have no choice unless to use my credit card for a total amount of RM9750.00 to purchase 5 adults tickets so that all of us will go to UK by Jan 19, 2009. I waited patiently for the Visas approval from the British High Commission. 'Tawakkal-a lallah'! My motto! This is what i called myself, darah cik Siti Wan Kembang, pahlawan wanita di kelantan dahulu kala yang berani berjuang... To shorten the story, i only got all the Visas a week before the departure date!!I should tell you that, it was me who tried my best to call/email the University of Herts as there was a small mistakes on 'JACs Code' typed on the offer letter which i had submitted to British High Commission.. Geram betul bila ingat...

The 3rd hurdles was the worst, i got a news from HR that I will get a C rating in UK for the living expenses allowance which had been allocated for PhD students studying in University of Hertfordshire. To UniKL and my understanding, the rating was wrong as the location of University of Herts is situated only 25 miles from Great London. I did not give up either. I wrote an appeal letter to HR GM, cc. a copy to Deputy President of UniKL, luckily i got their supports, and i did another letter which was sent to the Mara's person in charged. Actually this matter has not solved until now, I m still hoping it will eventually solved!

A month before we departed, I was ups and downs in the British High Commission, Immigration Office, MARA office etc; photocopied documents to submit for the MARA's approval, classes to teach, students to attend to, filling MARA's forms which as thick as 1.5 cm. I have to say that applying Visa for all of us was the most troublesome among all. It was because the British High Commission wants to make sure that you and your family will have enough financial supports to stay in UK. Besides the guarantied letter from MARA, Universities, you need to submit all relevant financial forms of bank statements, insurance's policies, your own savings and the address you planned to stay in UK. All together, for almost 4 months, i came back home late, no more clock out at 5pm which i usually did. 7 or 8pm were my clock out time in the last few months in 2008. I was tired and exhausted but managed to overcome day to day tasks patiently. Oh ya, one unforgettable experience which extremely funny and I considered as the most unacceptable memory: 'phone call to the MARA officer in charge'. We (this happened to all of us; who intend to pursue further studies) called the officer in charged but we only got her replied once or twice even though we called her for more than 30 times...there were so many reasons we need to call her and it seems that we all gave up. I was to check on the allowance rating...as I told you I got a C rates. I frustrated, but it was too late! I couldn't apply to another University in the UK within those few weeks, i will have to have at least 6 months to apply and start all over again if I were to do so. I just couldn't do anything accept for proceeding to the said University as I only have 3 weeks to fly! The most suspense moment in my life..hahah..

My lesson in the 3rd obstacles is, never trust anyone! You have to check it out yourself even though you couldn't get the person on the phone, you must go all out to check the ratings for the allowance at the first place. (For your info, i was told in the first place that i will get an A rates as the University is in the circle of greater London). Lastly, for your information again all my dear friends, today, its been 16months I am here in UK and I am still getting the C rates!! £748 - £650 = £98. Almost 90% of the allowance goes to the rental. I am still trying to appeal from time to time for my right on this matter. You can imagine now how do we still surviving in England; among the highest currency country. Bengkok..

"Success comes with struggles".

to be continued....

Introduction: past, present and future

Dear friends,

Still not too late to share with you something about me and my research journey ;)

To the memory of my late mum & dad: Hjh Che' Minah and Hj Noor Abd Rahman..

Bismillahirrahmanirrahiim...

Introduction

The alarm clock ringing "Burned...its burned!" woke us up; my husband's favourite song from Deep Purple, a popular rock band back in 1960s. Oh no! Its 6.30am! I got to get up..why on earth do i need to wake up at 6.30am while I am on study leave? The weather is so freezing cold outside, inside the house, its cosy and just nice with room temparature at 10 degrees. I close my eyes again and pull the duvet comforting myself for a short while, its 6.35am now....oh...my mind starts operating, what for breakfast? What do i have in the fridge? Left over cooked rice? This tiny brains of mine reflecting the rice, sausages and breads... to get ready for my husband and kids. My husband; Azlan is going to work, he needs to bring some food or otherwise he will be hungry till 5pm, the time he has to punch out. No shops or halal food nearby to buy. My two kids; Sara and Yusuff, they got to go to school, begins at 8.30am to 3pm. They too, need to bring some foods to school. I get up lazy, slowly..my eyes couldn't fully open yet, i walk straight a few steps to the door of my kitchen, open the door, switch on the main switch', turn the gas knob to nearly full power...and put my frying pan to get it warm faster, then i left for cleaning myself up. I can fully open my both eyes now, quickly done my business and.... a few minutes later, as usual i do the prayer.

At 7am..i m fully geared up especially with the radio's on, Magic channels playing evergreen songs, busying preparing breakfast for them...my eldest daughter Syakiera, she's not around. Shes in S. Alam doing her undergraduates there. Having done the breakfast, 'she' definitely comes to my mind..my dear daughter, what is she doing right now, such a pity that she couldn't taste this heavy meals with nasi goreng telor and creamy & soft chicken sausage sandwiches! Kesian my daughter! Cried my heart and soul..always for her everyday, breakfast, lunch and dinner....

.. that starts my days in Welwyn G. C..UK. A long and lonely journey to PhD..

8.15am, after they've gone, i m seating in this small hall aka my bedroom, we have to make use of this hall as the other two rooms were given to my kids. Actually 1 room is a normal size bedroom, and the other one is just half the size of the other one. On this lazy and old sofa provided by the landlord..i tune my LCD TV for BBC morning news..and of course slurping my morning coffee until its last drop..em mm i love my coffee.. (one tea spoon of brown sugar, single milk & nescafe)

9.00am..i m thinking, what on earth m i doing actually? Oh..i do not have to go to the office, i have plenty of my own sweet times! Oh god, i cherish myself for having this precious moment. This is the best time i have for myself, without them. I do need my own space, selecting any TV channels that i want..good that nobody can disturbs me. I, at the same time, have to keep reminding myself that i do not have to go to work..i am doing my research now..myzan..hello!! Oh dear, this is your time to have a break from the busy schedules; driving to and fro KL almost everyday..not forgetting those years in Indah Water for almost 6 years, UniKL 4 years, plus in S. Alam working for a few companies for another 5 years. 2 years did my Master in UiTM. I still remember my office in KL located at Jalan Tun Razak..a big bunglow..old one, with big and shady trees, ample parking area, back then in 1995, i drove a Mazda 3 Lantis, nice and sporty, my favorite car then. My colleague used to say that i look young and chick with that car, although i already have 3 kids at that time. My last given birth was to Yusuff in 1996, i got married when i was 23, exactly after i finished my bachelor in UiTM in 1990, at that time it was called ITM S. Alam.

I remember while i was on the road, the drivers past by sometimes stared at me, i ignored them, and i think to myself, why do they stare? What was their problem? Do they think that i m a so called 'mistress' to someone? Hey, sorry! I m the owner of this car, i bought it with my own bloody money..i worked for it OK, and i m worth driving it! Shah Alam, KL. KL, Shah Alam..everyday, except for Saturdays and Sundays! Now, on and off, i do think about those days, months, years of the hardwork. I pity myself sometimes thinking of working schedules, children, maid problems, and hectic life i had those days since 1990-2001, and then 2004-2008. But, in 1995-1997, we were considered lucky and quite successful, Azlan was a successful businessman at that time, he was an art dealer and supplier, he has his own art gallery which joint ventured with Concord Hotel Shah Alam. He owned 2 big bikes, we used to ride with a group of big bikers to many places locally and Thailand, i 've been to Pattani and Phuket by bike with him and friends. My kids were being taken care off by a maid at home. They got any toys they wanted, nice and expansive clothing too. Again, comes to think of it, I am proud to be me..i have experienced good times and bad times too. I work hard and i deserve it. I m doing good for myself, children and family! We used to reward ourselves by buying new clothing, perfumes, dining in so so expansive restaurants, holidaying in 5 stars hotels etc. A few hundred bucks spent unnoticed monthly, for those years! How i wish now that i could turn back the time..saving my money in the ASB... By the way, i did keep some for rainy days..yes, i do. We bought our house in Shah Alam with our savings for the deposits RM25K in 1999...

Those days are gone..my mind reminds me again. I have to determine, focus and workhard for this final educational journey. InshaAllah in the next few chapters, i will insert the story of my life and the research journey over here bit by bit. We are all probably the same, being in ups and downs in our life; the recessions, the unemployment, the struggles in business, to recover on financial and relationships, etc. I believe life teaches us all, there is no shortcut to happiness and successes. Lastly, I m writing this journey just to share my experiences, my struggles in my career and family with you. I m sincere to share and always keep telling to myself that hopefully everything will be OK and i will grad on time. May everythings gonna be allright, be the hardwork will always with me all the way through and i will be back to educate my students in 2012. I put my both hands up: ya Allah, kurniakanlah kejayaan buat ku, jadikanlah ilmu yg aku pelajari ini bermanfaat utk ku, keluargaku dan agama ku..ampuni segala dosa2 ku baik yg kecil mahupun yang besar, kurniakanlah aku kejayaan, jauhilah aku kegagalan. Jadikan aku insan yang sentiasa bersyukur pada Mu. Aamiin...ya robbil'aalamiin...

Oh my, its already 11am now!! i got to start my writing!!

To be continued...